Archive for the ‘Self-image’ Category

I realized something today.  I put myself in a box.  I realized that tonight when I took The Boy to a children’s party at church.  We’ve been going to our church since The Boy was about 4.  I went to a Sunday School class that I absolutely loved.  But only because of the teacher.  She was the wife of the pastor and her name was Margaret.  I adored her and every single lesson she taught.

My fellow classmates…not so much.  To me, I never really measured up to the other perfectly coifed, perfectly made up moms in their perfect outfits with the perfect shoes.  To me, I was way out of my league.  I put myself in a box where I was the overweight, older mom with a not so great hairdo and not so great makeup and not so great shoes…

and because of my own insecurities, I closed myself off to this perfectly coifed, perfectly dressed, perfectly made up group.  I decided that no matter what, I was never going to ‘fit in.’  When Margaret and the Pastor were relocated, I stopped going to Sunday School.

On the upnote, we did start going to church proper.  I finally started feeling like a part of the church, which meant that I make a point of taking The Boy to every kids’ function there was.

Thing is that because I never made any connection with the perfectly coifed, perfectly dressed other moms, I wind up sitting at a table by myself while The Boy goes and visits and has fun with his church friends. 

And…really…I was sort of okay with it. 

But tonight, I was sitting at a table alone, eating really, really bad pizza, while The Boy was off having pizza dinner with his friend, Autumn, one of the perfectly coifed, perfectly made up moms came and sat with me.  Her name is Julie and she was a classmate in my old Sunday School class.  As it turns out, she was very sweet and we had a very nice chat.

The thing is that she went out of HER way to come to ME and sit by ME to have her bad, bad pizza.  After she came to my formerly solo table, another nice lady came and joined us.  Then another sweet little mom came over to share her sweet baby and A.J. and Addison with me. 

As I sat there, I realized that maybe the perfectly coifed, perfectly made up types weren’t the ones who were putting me in ‘the box.’  It was me. 

I realized that it was my insecurity that was putting me in ‘the box.’  I realized that I was closing the door to any interaction with the perfectly coifed, perfectly made up set.

I realized tonight that it isn’t them, it’s me.

Tonight I realized that rather than putting myself in my solitary box because I am not perfectly coifed or perfectly dressed, I should maybe just put myself out there…meet the perfectly coifed and perfectly made up.  I thought, perhaps, the perfectly coifed would enjoy a chat with the un-perfectly coifed and un-perfectly made up…and I think she did.

So, basically, what I’m saying is that sometimes (and for me, all the time), we tend to put ourselves in boxes…we put ourselves in the box that doesn’t fit in with the ‘pretty people.’ 

And then, if we allow ourselves, we realize it is not a ‘them’ and ‘us’ thing…it is just an us putting ourselves in a box thing.

Yeah, I had an ‘aha’ moment tonight.

The ‘pretty people’ can like you…they can come sit at your table because you are sitting alone.  They can come to you, instead of waiting for you to come to them…

and then you can kind of feel like crap because you’ve (read that me) closed your box…not the pretty people. 

I think I may be coming out of my box.

*** okay, so I just read this and must say that apparently, after a few beers and while trying to carry on a conversation with the Mr. while I type, I use the word ‘realized’ wayyyy too much, along with ‘box’ and ‘perfectly coifed.’ Bear with me through this one.  LOL ***


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