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Archive for May, 2008

LOST…

WITH NO FEAR OF SPOILERS…

Because I have not one freakin’ clue about what the hell happened, what is about to happen, or what happens now.

Big Questions…or at least my biggest one…

Do they really think anyone is going to buy the fact that Aaron is 5 weeks old?  Seriously? 

How in the Hayell is Jack going to convince the others to go BACK?  Seriously?

Walt looks at least 5 years older, but Hurley…just the same.

Well, there are just too many questions…again, I am left with so many more questions than we got any answers for…even though we got the answer to who the hell was in the coffin at the creepy, over the tracks funeral parlour. 

Bottom line…I just don’t freakin’ know where the hell this is going…and again I say that I have never, ever, enjoyed a show that I understand so NOT SO MUCH. 

It’s becoming just a little bit tedious…and if I wasn’t already into 4 bazillionth seaon, I think maybe I would just say…I’ll watch Last Comic Standing.

 

 

 

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…I wish wish we would have thought ahead enough to scrape up the freakin’ insurance cards we never have to use EVER at the doctor’s office so that we could fill out your freakin’ form properly before you leave in the morning at 7-freakin-a.m.  I am sorry that we have no freakin’ clue what our ‘Plan Name or Number’ is or our ‘Healthcare Network ID Number is…and not even what our ‘Group Number’ is.

Why don’t you know all these freakin’ numbers, you might ask.

Well, folks, it’s like this…when you have military insurance, all you gotta know is you freakin’ social security number, if you are the policy holder.  Rob was balking at putting said SS number down on the form, but I vetoed that and went ahead and put it down, given the fact that we have NO OTHER NUMBERS TO PUT DOWN because we SUCK AS PARENTS and don’t have a proper insurance card to copy numbers off of.  When you are in the ‘military system,’ you sort of ‘get it’ that all you are is your social.  I’m trusting that the folks at the Laity Lodge aren’t interested in stealing anyone’s identity. 

If this doesn’t work out and they do, indeed, have a scam to steal the identities of their camp counselors…well, pray for me because Rob is going to be PISSED THE HELL OFF…even thought I meant nothing by it. 

Now, our gal isn’t going to get to come home til right before she shows up on campus for her sophomore year.  The gal will be working 6-day weeks and she is going to be just far away enough that one-day trips are really going to be out of the question. 

And while neither Dad, nor the Youth Camp Worker are acknowledging the fact, both are sort of freaking out that she won’t be back for months.  You see, those two are more than father and daughter.  They are running buddies.  She is his go-to girl whenever we need more stuff at the store.  That one never questions her daddy…and she is the best girl ever…and her daddy knows that. 

It’s not really hard to see…that she is the best girl ever…I mean, my God…if you were to say to this Girl, ‘Hey, UMHB, how ’bout you go through hot lava and pick up a gallon of milk,’ she’d say ‘yes.’ 

And she’d never even question it. 

The kids I gave birth to, on the other hand, would say ‘WTF?!?!  YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT?  Go through LAVA to get milk? 

And then, we’d all go without milk.

 But, such is not the case when UMHB is at the helm.  She can load her car and run to Wal-Mart for extra stuff, and come back long enough to tell us she is going to Audrey’s for part of a movie…but she still brings the milk. 

Our UMHB is the sweetest girl ever and I will miss her while she is off teaching 2nd and 3rd graders how to rock climb and rapelle. 

And I’m going to tell her so in the morning.  Just in case she doesn’t know.

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I Need a Wife

Okay, so I just watched a deal on polygamy and while I am horrified by the thought of old men marrying little girls and making them mothers by the time they are 16, I have to say that I wouldn’t mind having another wife around.  I mean, well, she couldn’t ‘bake cookies’ with Rob…I wouldn’t like that at all…and I really wouldn’t want her being a parent to my children…

Unless she had some magic wand that would make the Boy brush his teeth in such a way that a visit to the dentist doesn’t result in me wanting to declare myself worst mother EVER.  If she could do that, I’d let her parent…a little bit.

And, hey, if she wanted to take over dinner a few nights a week…I guess I’d be okay with that, too.

And come to think of it, if she was a compulsive cleaner and was uncomfortable with any amount of untidiness, well, I guess I wouldn’t stop her if she felt the need to vacuum all the dog hair out of the corners.  After all, I am a big enough person to allow someone to show me up when it comes to housekeeping.  I mean, while she is doing her cleaning, I could be curled up on our new loveseat reading a nice book and watching Anthony Bourdain eat weird shit (while thinking, hey, if I could pick a second husband to come live here at the casa, it would certainly be Bourdain — even though I know that Rob probably wouldn’t go for me and Tony baking cookies either).  Anyway, I digress.  Back to the second wife.

I doubt that I would mind if she liked doing the whole get up and take the kids to school thing.  I mean, hey, I could sleep longer and she’d probably have breakfast ready when I got up.

I guess what I’m saying is that in theory, having myself a wife wouldn’t be such a bad deal.  Don’t we all need a wife?  Someone to cook and clean and make sure the kids have brushed well…someone to pick up the dry cleaning and go to the market…someone to do the laundry and clean the shower and polish the kitchen sink…you know, an extra pair of hands to make sure that the kids have money in their lunch accounts and money for the field trip…

Without us having to give any such things a second thought.

Of course, I jest.  I don’t really want another wife around…I mean, couldn’t I just get a nice maid?

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about a year and a half ago I found my pretty southwestern set in the front living room — $250 for a couch, love seat and big chair – perfect condition.

in January we found Belle, our beautiful full-bred labrador – $120 – perfect condition.

and today we got a couch and loveseat, navy, Italian Leather, like butter, along with a granite and glass end table and a gorgeous lamp – $300 – PERFECT CONDITION.

NO MORE COUCH COVERS!!!  I’m so excited.  

Now we just have to figure out what to do with the old set…

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Today was me and the Longhorn day.  My favorite Longhorn came to church with us and then after, she and I went to Burleson for a tasty lunch at The Mexican Inn.  I hated their chips and hot sauce.  One word.  Ew.  The chips were like fritos…soft, fresh-fried, greasy fritos.  The salsa…was like pureed tomatoes and some other stuff…not good…needed salt…needed peppers…needed help.  The corn tortillas with butter were tasty, though, and our entrees were tasty and very tex-mexy…read that…lotsa cheeeeeese.  My sweat is sorta cheezy even now.

What made it amazing was that the Longhorn and I got some one-on-one.  She is such an amazing person.  She has her blueprint and I am quite sure she is going to build her life exactly according to her specs.  She’s one who takes her life by storm, on her terms.  She has grown up to be such an amazing young woman…tall and strong…now easily looking down on my now quickly greying head.  She’s a head turner, that one, and the best part is she doesn’t even know it.  As her mom, I saw it today.  The fellas saw themselves a tall drinka water when they looked at her.  And she was clueless.

When she does realize what she’s working with…she’s going to be a force to be reckoned with.  Yet, now, at the ripe old age of 20, with 2 years of college under her belt, she is still clueless, well, relatively anyway, of the power that she holds.  At 5’9″ with all that blonde hair and those blue-green eyes, she has grown into a formidable young woman and I am truly proud to call her my daughter.  She and I have such a different relationship than I have with her sisters…though, it resembles very closely the relationship I have with the boy.  We get each other’s jokes…we know our sarcasm and can read each other’s eyes and just know get it. 

It was a good day. 

In my quest to spend some one-on-one time with all the kids, I am now up to 2.  Rob is sort of soaking up his own one-on-one with UMHB, so that might be hard for me to fit in, but I think I might sneak her off to Wal-mart and lunch tomorrow.  I am so pleased with how our relationship has changed and grown.  She is amazing and will go do amazing things.

Oh!  I finally saw Juno last night.  No one told me I needed a box of tissue!?!?!  I absolutely adored it.  Every. Single. Second of it.  Of course, I’m adopted, so I have a really, really soft spot for any story about adoption…and…as an aside…OMG is JASON BATEMAN HOT.  YES, yes he is.

We also watched the film, Cloverfield.  I have this much to say about it.  They said the word ‘Rob’ 85 times.  EIGHTY-FIVE TIMES.  I know because I made tally marks every time I heard the word Rob.  I never did figure out what exactly the ‘monster’ was…perhaps a very, very large praying mantis…or a grasshopper…or maybe a really fucking mean walking stick…or, hell, maybe a pissed off cricket…but a damn big cricket.  Was it good?  I guess.  I was busy counting ‘Robs’ and was still sort of coming off my Juno cry-fest. 

Tomorrow…we don’t have anything planned.  I may work a little bit…or mow…or celebrate Memorial Day by drinking beers and eating brisket.  I know I’m making one kick-ass potato salad and some canned baked beans.

Y’all come over.

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  • I do make a mean chicken spaghetti.
  • We have tv in the shed…and BEER…and we can smoke if we want to.
  • We have four TVs inside, yet the go-to place to watch TV is…the shed.
  • We have a FAN in the shed, even though we have AC inside. 
  • Thanks to Belle, the amazing shedding labrador, if you sit on the furniture, you immediately have a fur coat…a blonde, luxurious lab hair coat.
  • If you can maneuver your stuff around all the Teacher’s stuff in the front room, you will only have to work around UMHB, The Boy, and The Soon-to-be-Senior…and the Belle and Jack and Max.  Do you have pet allergies?  Might better book a better venue.
  • Tonight, on my way out of the house, after going in to potty, I damn near stepped on a SNAKE.  and not some weenie snake either.  This snake was about 5-foot long and very interested in climbing the crepe myrtle tree, so as better to get on the roof to make a plan to gain entry into the casa.  He was quite a pretty snake, as snakes go…and wrapped around Rob’s arm in proper boa constrictor fashion.  Rob took him over to neighbor Kevin’s and threw him back to the wilderness. 
  • He might be back.
  • We have a 27-inch TV that we can take OUTSIDE so that we have movie night…only that the TV is designed to shoot sound out the sides, so that the neighbors one either side of us probably enjoyed Ratatouille more than Rob and the Boy did. 
  • If you don’t want to watch Ratatouille, you can sit in the shed with me and sweat and watch 20/20. 
  • For dinner tonight we had Earl Campbell snausages and store-bought macaroni salad.  Face it, you won’t get that at any Bed and Breakfast…EVER.
  • If you don’t want Earl Campbell’s sausages, I can warm you up some of my kickass chicken spaghetti and maybe all of the above forementioned players have decided to go to bed so you can sit on a hairy loveseat and watch TV of your choosing…

until somone comes in and says WHY AREN’T WE WATCHING DISNEY…THE JONAS BROTHERS ARE ON.

But mainly, I’m going with the snake being the big draw.

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Thursday…

aka Grey’s Anatomy SEASON FINALE DAY!!!

 

***WARNING WARNING — STOP IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED IT YET***

Now, I have to admit that I’ve missed a few here or there, but I’ve tried to catch up as good as I could.  I did miss, however, when Ava/Rebekkah went nuts…I did miss some of when Derrick and Rose did their thing…I did miss when Cassie and the Heart Doctor started being romantical.

That said, WOW.  I’m caught up now…and WOW.  The Chief and his wife are back on track and had them a nice schmooch…George and Meredith’s sister had a schmooch…Alex is a mess and Izzie better not give him a mercy ‘date’ even though she gave hima schmooch…the concrete boy lived and his girl gave him a schmooch…Bailey was going home to get her a schmooch…Christina didn’t have a schmooch, but she is back on track…Cassie and the Heart Surgeon had a schmooch…Mark didn’t have a schmooch…and last, but not least, DERRICK AND MEREDITH HAD THEMSELVES A SCHMOOCH in the candle-outline of their future home. 

Now, am I the only one who was thinking, when Derrick said he needed to go talk to Rose, hey…don’t you have to take a ferry to where she is?  How long are those candles going to burn while Meredith waits for you to get back from talking to Rose so your conscience can be clear?  Are you going to run inside the trailer and give her a quick text message that says ‘rly like u but me and mrdith r fxn to get bzy in our candle-outlined house.  im brakin up w/u.  Also, I was thinking that the champagne had been sitting in the trashcan for a long time and Meredith was going to hold it for a long time and that those two are going to get so smashed on hot champagne when he gets back from squaring things off with Rose.  I’ve had champagne cold before and it completely fucked me up…I can’t imagine what warm bubbly will do to a person. 

I was glad that:

  • the concrete boy lived and he got a schmooch from his girl. 
  • Bailey got the concrete boy through it by being a sci-fi geek.
  • George gets a do-over.

Well, there were too many things to list.  Mainly, I am glad that they didn’t leave me hanging with the Derrick and Meredith storyline.  Now, let’s just hope that the ferry Derrick had to take to get BACK to the hospital to make things right with Rose doesn’t capsize so that we open next season with a MAJOR TRAUMA that involves Derrick being impaled on a Captain’s wheel from the ferry. 

In other news, under the ‘general’ category, the kids and I had the neatest dinner ’round the table EVER.  The Longhorn, who is here for a very short week before she has to report back to work and her summer classes, requested chicken spaghetti, which we prepared together, while we laughed when she informed me that the ‘sauce’ looked ‘nas,’ which is short for nasty.  I mean, I never said that the melange of sauteed onions and bell peppers and celery, mixed with Velveeta and cream of chicken soup ever looked pretty, I never really thought it looked like something you would find ‘in the sink.’  Thankfully, my chicken spaghetti doesn’t TASTE like something you’d find in the sink.

We schmooshed around the now smaller (sans bigass leaf) table and had the greatest dinner ever.  It was one of those times you come across as a parent that you wish some guy was over there taking photos that he will sell to you for 5 bucks.  We were all laughing and enjoying such good conversation.  The Sub, now and forward to be referred to as ‘The Teacher,’ had fun stories from her day…UMHB had fun stories from her after-school teaching gig at school…The Junior (soon to be promoted to ‘The Senior’ <god how did that happen, that baby cannot be a senior next year!?!?!> had stories about marching camp…The Boy told a funny story about a joke that they do at lunch…we talked about how screwed we would be if a catastrophe ever happened here at the Casa, in that we never have a ‘stockpile,’ and how if we did, UMHB would be hoarding the milk and peanut butter, The Junior would have all the ketchup and bread (what she lives on), how the Boy would have the sodas hidden around so only he could find them, and how the rest of us would have to make do with a can of refried beans and 4 boxes of Bisquick. 

I can’t remember a time that the 6 of us, me and all the kids, sat around the table and had so much fun.  Dinnertime like we had tonight is the very reason that we should all try to have dinners around the table.  It was one of those happy times that remind you how fun it is to have a biggo family with lots of stories to tell each other. 

We gotta make more of those moments before everyone goes their separate ways.  We don’t have much time.  The Longhorn is heading back to Austin on Tuesday and UMHB is heading South on Sunday next…and The (now) Teacher is most likely going to be having her own place in the fall. 

And the crowd ’round the table is going to be a lot smaller.

And I’ll miss the crowd.

 

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