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Archive for January, 2008

Ya’ll are going to get so tired of hearing about this dog.  I’m just telling you now.  You might think that your dog is the best dog ever, but I hate to tell you, that you are WRONG.  THIS dog is the best dog EVER.  I have never had a dog like this, ever.  She turned 1 on January 25th and while you’d think she would still be full of puppy, for the most part you can find her doing this

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She does that a lot…right up until the time she hears someone move.  Simply, if you go somewhere, she is going to go somewhere with you.  Going outside?  She’s going with you.  Going to the bathroom?  She’s going there with you, too.  Going to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee?  She’s going there with you.  And by the way, do not step backward because, guess what?  She is going to be right behind you. 

 That said, in the morning when we leave to go to school, she wants to go, too.  So, this morning I thought, hey…come with us, Belle.  Wrong.  When we let the Boy out, she all but said to me in English “HEY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING LEAVING THE BOY HERE???  HEY!  YOU’VE LEFT THE BOY!  It only got worse when we dropped off the Junior.  It took that sweet dog about an hour to calm down after we got home.  I think maybe taking her to PICK UP said children will be a much more joyous occasion for her than DUMPING THEM OFF AND LEAVING THEM!!!

Our biggest problem at the moment is trying to get Jack, the asshole dachsund, to come on board with this 70-pound lover.  While I would like to think that this 70-pound lover is going to finally convince Jack that she is perfectly loveable and won’t eat his stupid, asshole head in one bite, I am beginning to think it is futile.  I am one step away from calling the damn Dog Whisperer, since Jack persists on being an old, cantankerous asshat.  He’s made more headway with Max, the Bigass Cat, than he has with her fellow canine, Jack.  Hell, the cat didn’t even hiss at her today or try to disfigure her perfectly sweet nose

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To tell you the truth, I vascillate between trying to be all like ‘Jack, be nice.  This is your new Sister,” to wanting to firmly implant my Sketcher in his crotchety old ass and make him come round right and act like a civilized and well-socialized dog.  At this point, I’m leaning toward having my foot up his cranky ass.  Any hints any of you have on socializing an old, cranky, used-to-being-the-only-dog-in-the-house dog would be greatly appreciated.

I’d call the Dog Whisperer, but that would mean he’d have to come to the house and I’d have to be on TV in all my glory.  I have seen myself on camera and I have heard myself talking on video…so….that’s not going to happen.  Dog tips…bring them, people.  Save me from being on TV and hearing my Texas twang say ‘Dog Whisperer, how do I make him play nassssss?”

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what day is it again?

January 29th, you say?

Then tell me why the heater is off and every window in the house is open and gale force winds are ripping through here like a wind tunnel like it is April or something.

I love the changeable Texas weather, I really do. But this is too much.

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The New Baby

Belle

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 The circumstances of how Belle came to our family are sort of like…well, I think she was just supposed to be with us.  As some of you know, I’ve been contemplating a new addition for what seems like months now.  I have cruised Craigslist and Petfinder and looked at so many photographs of baby dogs, young dogs, adult dogs…small dogs, medium dogs, large dogs, and extra-large dogs.  

However, when I saw this picture

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I knew I’d found THE ONE.

Oddly enough, I’d also changed the dog in my Yahoo Avatar to a big ol’ yellow dog last week.  Then, when we went to pick her up, her mom was also named Christine.  

We have completely fallen in love with this dog.  Jack has been a bit of an asshole at times, with all the HEY I WAS HERE FIRST I’M THE ALPHA DOG, BITCH stuff, but he’s coming around.  Amazingly enough, Belle also wants to be friends with the Bigass Cat Max and has actually managed to touch nose with him without Max using his Bigass Claws to tear her nose off.  The term ‘companion dog’ is personified in Belle.  Simply, where you are, she wants to be.  

In short, she is perfect and we love her. 

I felt so bad for her other mom, though. She was just crying and crying, but due to her going back to work, they just had to find her new people.  Gladly, we were there to help.  

She loves us all…The Boy, The Sub, The Mr. and Me, and we all adore her.  I will say, however, that sharing my bed with a 70-pound pooch is something I have never done before and is not really something I want to do every night.  I’m sort of hoping that she’ll want to bunk with the Sub tonight.  

Or I’ll buy a king-sized bed. LOL.

Look for so many more pictures to follow 🙂

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A Story from the Longhorn

A Story from the Longhorn
Yesterday morning the Longhorn rang me up to tell me a story.  As it goes, a friend of hers had a birthday last weekend and she and some of her girlfriends decided to go downtown (Austin) for a nice birthday dinner.  While there, as a bunch of 20-year-old girls often do, they wanted to catch the moment on film.  There were a couple of gentlemen dining at the table next door, so the girls asked them if one of them would be so kind as to snap the photo.  They happily agreed and one of the gentlemen took the camera, but then handed it to the other fellow, saying they would just have him snap it, and then proceeded to GET IN THE PICTURE WITH THE GIRLS.

The girls were all like WTF is up with this dude, but smiled and let the other guy take the picture.  

So, upon arriving home, of course, the picture gets slapped on the Facebook and everyone is tagged.  Soon after, comments started coming in ‘WOW’ ‘COOL.’  

The girls had no idea why the photo would be something to ‘WOW’ ‘COOL’ over.  In fact, they tagged the guy who came and got in the picture with them “Creepy McPervie.”

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The fact that not a single one of those happy, smiling girls had a single clue who “Creepy McPervie” was made me laugh until I cried yesterday.  Now, let me add here that the Longhorn was not in this group.  Had she been, she would have known that Creepy McPervie was the Governor of Texas himself, Mr. Rick Perry.

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no wai…WAY

My youngest daughter, the Junior, has always been the baby of her class.  She will turn 18 when she is at college and will probably run to the convenience store for cigarettes and porn and stop to get a tattoo on her way back to the dorm.  She’s just always been a young ___-year-old.  She just always been the baby. 

So, this weekend when she asked if she could go shopping for PROM DRESSES with her friend Barefoot all the Time and her mom, I was like WHAT?!?!?  Then it hit me.  She can go to prom this year.

How’d that happen? 

At any rate, true to form, she found something pink and princess-y at, of course, the most expensive, exclusive shop in the mall…

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Those things protruding from her upper chest area are collarbones.  I think I used to have some.  Don’t let that sweet face fool you.  She is a deadly weapon.  When she hugs you she can poke you 15 ways to Sunday with her pointy little bones. 

Forgive the poor quality of this picture of a picture, but I couldn’t resist…

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Look at that chin…er chins! 

To get that picture I had to sit in a motel room with a bunch of strangers because we all had a coupon for 1 free 8 x 10. 

Good times.

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Wednesday Ramblings

I hear there is an easy explanation for the UFO story that has been going crazy ’round these parts; however, I missed the news story about said explanation thanks to Mr. Trigger Happy Remote Guy who is napping happily over there while I tap tap tap over here.  

Much as I suspected, having this laptop in the shop while we watch TV is a big enough distraction to Mr. Trigger Happy Remote Guy that he will stop changing channels  (long enough to browse on the computer) while I am trying to watch Comanche Moon; however, it also means that while I am trying to watch the last 30 minutes of Comanche Moom he is going to ask me questions like “Where’s Richardson?” (while he is checking weather.com to see what the temperature is outside because he is so cold) and if I want a phone holster like he got today.  Hello? I am watching this movie.  Shut up.  Please.

We’re still contemplating getting a backyard dog.  I want something huge.  I was all set to just go ahead and get a baby Golden Retriever, but have decided that since I am the only one with the super power to see shit on the floor that I might just not get a baby, but go for one who is a little older…who likes to live outside.  I’m still not exactly sure whether I enjoy LOOKING for a dog more than I actually want to GET one.  There is a gorgeous 1-1/2-year-old Golden at our local shelter, but he is a boy and Mr. Trigger Happy Remote Guy who is napping over there is hell bent to get a girl.  

Michael Douglas is on Letterman this very second.  Of note, Michael Douglas is the first man I have ever seen naked.  One Sunday after church, when Olene and I were taking a walk up Shotgun Road, there was this magazine lying in the road and I happened to pick it up.  Turns out it is the Playgirl where Mr. Douglas was NEKKID AS A JAYBIRD.  However old he is, he is still hot.  And he is married to Catherine Zeta Jones who I like to think will play me in the movie of my life.  

Another Catherine is up next on the lineup…Katherine Heigl.  My Lord, is there a more beautiful young woman around?  She makes me laugh and seems like someone I could have coffee with.  It makes me happy that there are young women like her who haven’t lost their shit to balance out the Britney’s and Lindsey’s in the world.

Let’s see…what else?

Oh, on nights like this, when it is going to drop down into the teens, I am very tickled that for Christmas I treated myself to delicious flannel sheets.  When the weather is cool, there is nothing better than crawling into warm, snuggly flannel sheets.  It’s like being wrapped in a huge receiving blanket and it is the most wonderful way to fall asleep.  I got a navy set and an olive stripe and I haven’t made a better purchase to date…

except this laptop, which I adore, by the way, which gives me something to do (to bore you) while the Mr. naps over there.  

That said, I will stop boring you sweet people and pay attention to Dave and Katherine for a while before I go catch the rerun of Project Runway. 

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Onward and Upward

Last Saturday was The Boy’s first Upward basketball game.  If you’ve never heard of Upward, it is church-based sports/cheerleading program that encourages good sportsmanship and incorporates Christian values in the program.  It’s far less cutthroat that our local Little Dribblers program and the parents aren’t allowed to go all wiggidy wack and yell at the refs, the coaches, or their kids.  It’s all positive and light.

It’s the second year for the program and it has doubled this year from 2 churches to 4 participating.  Personally, I think it is an awesome program and hey, the uniforms are REVERSIBLE and SHINY and match the basketball shoes I got the Boy for Christmas

Which is important because it is important for your shoes to match your outfit.

You see a lot of things at an Upward basketball game that you won’t see in a regular league…stuff like this

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Anyway, so, because we suck as parents he had only attended 2 practices and had missed the first game over the Christmas break (sue me, I didn’t think they’d start the program while it was Christmas vacation), he was pretty much clueless.  And by “pretty much,” I mean COMPLETELY. 

Being the sweet and considerate boy he is, he did a lot of this, so the little boy guarding him wouldn’t get overheated, so he did a lot of this

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Notice all the kids at the far end of the court?  The Boy is the one in the navy uniform.  The one thing he knows is he is supposed to post up under the basket…

So, that’s what he does.  Plants himself right there under that basket.  A few times the tall, skinny kid would turn around and check to see if he’d moved yet.  Oh yeah, in Upward you are matched up with “your man,” so “your man” has to stay where you are, so…

in a way, The Boy was playing AWESOME DEFENSE by keeping that tall, potential point maker for the Gold Team ON THE OTHER END OF THE COURT.   Yeah, yeah, that’s what he was doing…

To be fair, he was not the ONLY kid out there who looked like they didn’t have a clue, but I just hope he gets one soon because it is painful when the coach yells to him YOU’RE NUMBER 5 (in the play 5 POP where #5 runs a pick at the top of the key) and he has that look about him like the computer screen just went blue and he got a fatal execution error 12546837 or the address bar just disappeared.  At one point I leaned over to the Mr. and said “uhhh, that coach had better figure out a way to put that in computer language if he wants the Boy to get this.” 

My only suggestion postgame was this:

Move more, stand still less.

One thing for sure, there is no where to go but up from here.  I will trust the Good Loward that he will help the Boy get it…

Because we know that is right at the top of His T0-Do list.

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